The Friendship Mixtape

Karina: Hi, my name is Karina. Who am I here with today? 

Ronaldo: Ronaldo Everett, bus driver for the Boys & Girls Club. 

Karina: So I got a couple questions for you, okay? 

Ronaldo: Okay. 

Karina: Um, so the first one is, what is a good friend to you? 

Ronaldo: A good friend is somebody you can count on and depend on through thick and thin. Somebody you can talk to, tell them all your problems and you don't have to worry about them, uh, spreading your business or anything like that. Somebody you can lean on. To me, that's a true friend. 

Karina: Do you think that you're a good friend? 

Ronaldo: Yes, uh, for the most part, to my real true friends, not just my social friends, but people that's in my inner circle. Yes, true friend to my wife and my brother and also to my family.

Edwin: Friendships are a crucial part of life. Everyone knows that, but no one talks about how hard it is to make friends as a teenager nowadays. 

TJ: Teenagers now have such a disgusting attitude. It's, like, as simple as someone trying to, like, start a conversation with you. It’s like, oh, I think you look cool. But that one person has an attitude for no reason for someone trying to start a conversation because they see that you have something or there's something about you that they relate to. And what I think about that is just, I don't see, I don't know why teenagers just have such a horrible attitude. 

Edwin: As you get older there aren't as many opportunities to meet new people. I always hear from older people that it's easy to make friends in school because of the environment But I'm gonna make the argument that people forget how hard it is to be a teenager. They forgot how hard it is for teenagers to put ourselves out there when we don't have a lot of confidence. 

Devon: Some people project a negative attitude or behavior onto you just because they either don't like themselves or they grow up in a household where that's all, that's all they're shown is to disrespect each other and sometimes that's because the other person can be jealous. 

I think that that's one of the things that teenagers now battle with is when they go inside of school and whatnot, everyone's trying to fit in so much that they lose sight of what it is their background is, who their friends are. There's so many friendships that you see just dissipate just because somebody else got into a new friend group and that's because they're molding themselves into something that they're, they weren't necessarily beforehand, but they're molding themselves so that way they can exactly fit well enough with another group.

Edwin: From Boys & Girls Club of the Chattahoochee Valley, this is Mixtape to My Future, a teen-led show about navigating our lives in Columbus, Georgia. I'm your host, Edwin Brown. 

Jayla: I'm Jayla Shelley. 

Josiah: And I'm Josiah Porter. 

Karina: My name is Karina Miles. 

Devon: I’m Devon Cetoute. 

TJ: And I'm Trajae Bell.

Edwin: On today's episode, what makes a good friend? What makes a bad friend? And what does a good friend add to your life? But first, how do you even make friends in the first place? According to this next story, all you need is a common enemy, or two.

Jayla: Man, I honestly think Ms. Gina just doing too much at that point, because why is she making us do that work? 

Karina: I'm saying, I can't stand to work in this class. 

Jayla: For real, Cause like, why she making us get up and doing activities? I don't even like that. Like what? 

Karina: Like we are tired. Let us sit down.

Oh wait, I don't even know your name. We've been here this whole time and haven't even talked. 

Jayla: I'm Jayla. How about your name? 

Karina: Oh, my name is Karina. Nice to meet you. 

Jayla: Nice to meet you too. What's your next class period? 

Karina: Oh, my next class period, I got art. 

Jayla: I got art, too. 

Karina: Yeah, I be seeing you in the back. 

Jayla: Yeah, I be sitting  in the back cause Ms. Henderson be getting on my nerves.

Karina: You don't like nobody then, huh? 

Jayla: Nope, I don’t. I’m sorry, I don’t. 

Karina: Oh, so you an introvert? 

Jayla: Yep. 

Karina: Damn, I'm the complete opposite. I'm an extrovert. 

Damien: I mean, I like the art. But she just sometimes be ODing because like, we gonna have to write a diagram or something about the art we did. But I just like to paint for real.

Karina: Oh yeah, that's so real. I ain't think I was signing up for that either. I thought I was just finna do art. She be having us doing all these projects. 

Damien: Yeah, I just be wanting to go paint. I'm still, just want to scribble, scrabble, but we got to do all this. 

Karina: Wait, you’re funny. 

Jayla: Thank you, thank you. You know what I'm saying? 

Karina: We should talk after this class.

Damien: Yeah, I got you. You got, you got IG? 

Karina: Yeah. 

Jayla: All right, I got you.

Karina: All right, let me add you. 

Jayla: All right. 

Devon: Two months later. 

Karina: You know, I never would have thought we would become friends, especially given how opposite we are. 

Jayla: I guess opposites do attract. 

Karina: And I also never would have thought that you would be coming to Boys & Girls Club with me, especially, you know, like how introverted you are. 

Jayla: Yeah, I really didn't want to talk to nobody, but hey, I did, and it was kind of fun talking to you. 

Karina: Aw, thank you. 

Jayla: You're welcome. 

Karina: I'm glad I can help you that way as well. Cause I saw like, it would seem like you wanted to talk to people, but you would just sit there and look around like confused. 

Damien: I don't really talk first, but if I have to, I will. But if it's in tough situations, I won't. 

Karina: Oh, okay. I get that. I used to be like that too.

Jayla: And I also, I am appreciative that you did help me get out of my shell.

Edwin: That was Karina and Jayla, a story about two people who are completely different but end up united. Next up, the give and take of a solid friendship, and the tell tale signs of a troubled one. 

Damien: My name's Jayla Shelley, I'm here with today?

Brooklyn: Brooklyn. 

Jayla: Okay, Brooklyn. I have a question. 

Brooklyn: And that is? 

Jayla: What are the traits that make you think someone is a bad friend?

Brooklyn: Not being able to stick up for your friend. 

Jayla: Okay. I'm here with? 

Elijah: Elijah Chapman. 

Jayla: Okay, Elijah. So, what are the traits that make you think someone is a bad friend? 

Elijah: When they just use you. 

Jayla: So like, try to like, get something out of you? 

Elijah: Yes. 

Jayla: Okay. 

Aster: A bad friend? Um, they're always talking about themselves or only their interests. When you try to talk about it they completely shut you down. Or when you're excited about something and they tell you to, like, calm down, like it's not that big of a deal. Or you're succeeding at something and they feel like you shouldn't be. 

Karina: I lowkey feel like bad friends are people who have to keep reiterating the fact that they're a good friend cause I feel like the title should come to you. Like everybody knows that I'm a good friend because I've showed that I'm a good friend. But if you have to keep saying, Oh, I'm such a good person. Oh, I'm a good friend. I'm nice. I'm caring. You're not. 

Jayla: Yeah. But when you say something about that, I start second guessing like, are you really because you just keep saying that, keep repeating yourself and trying to get it in, like, get it into my head that you are, but really you not, and you're just talking behind my back.

Karina: Right. And they never, like, they never had the characteristics of a good friend either. Like, I feel like a good friend is supportive, trustworthy, caring. Like they listen to you. They stand by you during tough times and then they celebrate your success as well. Cause sometimes like I'm telling people something and then they try to like downplay it and stuff like that. Like what I'm trying to… 

Jayla: They say something embarrassing to you, be like, Oh, but didn't you just do this? 

Karina: Right. You got some money? Didn't you just used to be broke? Like what I'm doing right now. Like… 

Jayla: Can you just help me through the future? Not the past. Like, why are you bringing that up? 

Devon: I completely agree with that. We heard from a lot of people and they talked about what it is they see in friends and I'm not saying any of them were wrong, but everybody only stated one thing and that's, the biggest thing being loyalty. Now with loyalty, I feel like a lot of people downplayed the real meaning of that. When you're loyal to someone, you're not only uplifting their successes, you're going to be with them, uh, throughout hard times, but you're, you're also going to make sure that in any kind of period, you're always there. You're not just half in just because, um, you're not just there because… 

Karina: Right. You’re not just there cause they're doing good at that time. 

Devon: Um, because a lot of people, at least now, a lot of people do things for something in return. It's not just because they want to do it out of goodwill. That's, that's my biggest pet peeve is everybody just says, okay, well, I bought you Sour Patch Kids last week. So when are you to… 

Karina: That's the same thing with a lot of people in general though, because they think that just because they do good things, they're going to receive positive karma, but they didn't do it out of the kindness of their heart. 

Jayla: And also what I don't like about bad friends are like when your friend, they like, they want to say, Oh, well, my friend is going to do this to you if you do this to me, like bring you in a situation you had nothing to do with. 

Devon: Mhm. 

Jayla: Like, it's not my, it's not my drama, it's not my beef. So why do I need to be brought into it because a whole different breeze is going to come because you don't even know if I'm going through something and somebody might do this or do that.

So like, don't bring drama or beef into it if you know I really don't have nothing to do with it. And I'm, and I'm in my own mindset and in my own grind and trying to focus on myself. 

Karina: Right, and people have different ideas of that as well, because they think like, Oh, you're my friend, you're supposed to stand up for me. And I will stand up for you in certain situations, but you're not going to bring me into…

Devon: But it's when you're right. Exactly!  

Karina: Yeah.  

Devon: I always tell people when I'm listening to people tell something. Okay, well, you told me your side, what's their side like? Or what did you do in the situation that made you in the wrong? Because everybody does at least one thing wrong. You, you can be the best, you can be the nicest person on the planet, but there's always something you do wrong. The smallest thing that people do wrong in an altercation is not listening to the other person. You can agree to disagree all you want, but if you're not hearing each other, then what's the point of continuing to, you know, engage in that conversation?

Karina: Right. And it's such an awkward situation too. 

And I think we should talk about friends that only call you when it's convenient for them as well. Cause I have a friend like that right now. I ain't gonna say no names, but like, she just, I feel like she just uses me as a free therapy session. Don't get me wrong. Like, I try to give people a safe space to express themselves with me, but I feel like she only wants to talk to me when she want to tell me all her problems and the stuff that's going on in her life. And like, I'm here to listen, but like she never wants to talk about anything else. And I know she's capable of it because she does fun things with other people. And then when it comes to me, I'm like you want to make a TikTok, you want to go out somewhere, you want to do this, you want to do that. And she's like, no. And then she'll, uh, change the subject. And then also when I'm trying to talk to her about something that's going on in my life, she'll automatically change it to something that's going on in her life. And I feel like that's really inconvenient and annoying to me. 

Jayla: Yeah. To me, it makes me feel sad cause it'll like make me rethink our like relationship or friendship. So to me, I'mma just consider you in my head like you're a fake friend and that you only want stuff out of me instead of like us combining together and working together and like talking with each other and actually expressing ourselves but you just want us to want me to hear you out when we need to hear each other out.

Devon: I think that a lot of people when they get comfortable to using you as that individual who they can vent and relay all that negative energy to, they kind of grow into only kind of speaking to you for that. But what people don't realize is that you being young, that energy may catch up to you at some point. You may start to see different changes and that's solely because negativity is kinda the only thing you kind of take out of people. 

I will say that I also feel like sometimes when I'm talking to friends, I guess being their safe space and to kind of be their friend, friendly therapy session because I feel like a lot of people don't want to talk to someone they don't know. So a lot of people don't take the time to go find a therapist or someone who is actually taking the time to understand healthy ways to give advice. I also don't take away from the fact that everybody still has some experience in something. You may not know what someone's experiences are in, in their home life and stuff like that, but you always want to make sure that based on the information you do hear and that while you're providing someone a safe space, for one, you always want to make sure that they acknowledge that you also want to hear again some of the positive things that's going on. 

Karina: That was really sentimental and I do, um, agree with what you were saying, like you should definitely talk, talk to that person if you feel that way. Because a lot of times people, like, they just come to the conclusion like, oh they fake, I don't like the way they're treating me, and then they cut them off. Because sometimes, like, people don't be doing stuff on purpose. And you really have to learn how to communicate with a person and tell them how you're feeling too. But you also have to, um, take into accountability how they respond to it as well. Cause a lot of people, like they have a victim complex and then they don't want to take accountability for anything that they do cause they'll be like, Oh, it wasn't that deep Or I didn't mean to do that or I didn't do that. 

Jayla: I was just trolling. 

Karina: Right. 

Devon: Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

Jayla: Jayla Shelley, and I'm here with?

Damien: Damien Cetoute. 

Jayla: What is a good friend to you? Uh, a person with loyalty, person with respect, and a person that's honest. 

Davon: I'm Devon and I'm here with?

Speaker: [Inaudible] 

Devon: Can you tell me in your opinion what makes a good friend? 

Damien: What makes a good friend is to be loyal to the friends that are loyal to you and don't be doing stuff that's, that you don't want them to do behind they back and you don't want to do behind their back, whatever. 

Devon: Alright, Diana, can you tell me in your opinion what makes a good friend?

Diana: Someone who makes sure that they're there when you have something bad going on. Um, if somebody messing with you and they see you and they about to hit you and stuff, they gonna jump in and be there. 

Devon: Why is having a good friend important to have within your village of people?

My ROTC instructor, First Sergeant Sanders, one of the biggest things he always told us is no matter what, you always need to make sure that you have every, there's so many types of people, but you need to make sure that you have every type of person inside of your friend group. Why? Is because no matter all those different personalities and all those different complexes and stuff like that molding together will shape you, um, to be a better and open minded person. That will make it so that way you see things from a better perspective because so, so many people are narrow minded and they kind of venture off into what it is they have grown up seeing and a lot of people don't know how to just turn that part of their brain off and just interact with people from a different perspective.

I mean, having a good friend in general does matter. I also feel like sometimes a good friend has discipline. They, they know when to do certain things inside of your friendship and they know when to, um, tell you when you're wrong because a lot of people don't like hearing that they're wrong, but when they hear it from that one person that they know they should be listening to, that really means something.

Karina: Right, like a second insight. 

Devon: Yeah. 

Karina: See, I'm a person like, I, um, associate with a lot of different people from different friend groups. And some people think that that's weird because they say a friend to all is a friend to none. But I disagree with that because I feel like different friend groups and interacting with different types of people, it really Like, they reflect different aspects of you. Cause some people, they reflect my outgoing side or they reflect my, other people may reflect my introverted side and you know, like my basketball players I hang out with, they may reflect my athletic side. So I think that it’s, um, important to have people in your life like that so that you can express different sides of yourself, but like they can also influence you in a positive and a negative way. And, um, it's a lot of ways that a friend can affect you. 

But if you are affected by a friend in a negative way, like it could really be a learning experience for you as well. Because sometimes like you're either asked to walk away or focus on something else and you can look back on those memories and you know, like thank yourself in the long run for walking away from that situation so it could really help you grow as a person and see who you are at that particular time. Because if your friend is asking you to do something that you're not comfortable with, like it just shows you that you have the ability to set boundaries with the person. So like sometimes knowing somebody, like it could show you who you are, how you react to these type of things. So that's how I think a friend can influence you, good and bad.

Devon: Yeah, I will say that a lot of friends just see friends for some of the good things. But I, what I say is I don't really see i, what I say is I don’t really see it as a friendship if you guys don't go through hard times because you're not always going to agree inside of a friendship. There's always going to be times where there's a disagreement and you guys want to make sure that your side is heard, understood, or want to prove that you're right at something.

Um, and I think that when it comes to being friends with someone, you're personalities kind of, like, mold together. When you're in a relationship with someone you have a commitment to each other in so many ways. You want to make sure that those boundaries are understood. You want to make sure that they don't run you over, but you also want to make sure that at the end of the day, you both acknowledge…

Karina: Right, like y'all both pulling y'all weight in the friendship. 

Devon: Yeah. 

Josiah: What makes you a good friend? 

Aster: Um, I'm very compassionate and loyal. And oftentimes when you're wrong, I will tell you. 

Devon: Do you feel like you're a good friend? 

Speaker: Yes, but at the same time, if I feel like they being not a good friend, and being petty and stuff like that, I'm not gonna be a good friend to you either. Because why you ain't being a good friend to me when I'm giving you a good friend vibe. 

Jayla: What makes you a good friend? 

Speaker: I'm always kind. And I'm laughable. 

Devon: And in your opinion, do you see yourself as a good friend? 

Speaker: Yeah, like I don't, I'm not like a friend that's gonna go around and tell my, like, your business or nothing. Cause it's, it's not my business to tell. And I don't want you to do that to my business. So like, what's the point of doing that?

Devon: Are you a good friend?

Karina: So, me personally, I do think that I'm a good friend, and I hold the characteristics of a good friend and pull my weight very well. But I do acknowledge that I, like, I'm not going to be the hero in every story. Like, sometimes I'm going to be the villain. But for the most part, like, if I understand what I did to that person, I am going to take accountability and apologize and change my actions.

Devon: Um, you kind of nailed the aspect of making sure that you're humble and understanding when you're right and when you're wrong in the friendship. 

But I also look at myself in the light of someone who is providing a safe space for others. I have a friend who calls me every once in a while and kind of talk and it's not just about bad things, but we talk a little bit and we talk about life, we catch up and all that stuff. But then we kind of just go into some of the habits that we have going on and stuff like that. And one of the biggest things is a lot of people don't have healthy study habits and stuff like that. So I feel like me being one of those people that kind of really drill into myself on studying and making sure that I'm academically driven. I think that I help a lot of my friends in that, um, kind of drive and making sure that they kind of hold themselves to specific standards. It may not be specific, but to standards that they can push themselves to because friendships are all about that, making sure that you can better yourself. And I feel like one of the biggest things for me is making sure that if someone ever feels like they can't go a specific direction, they can always come the direction that I'm in and be assured of something. Um, even if it's not the assurance that they want, it's always something that they may need. 

Edwin: Friendships are complicated, but when they're good, they're the most valuable relationship that we can have. At our age, friendships are everything. Friends help us understand ourselves. They help us see what's real to us. Even when it's challenging, they give us the opportunities to grow and to become better people.

CREDITS

Thanks for listening. This is Mixtape to My Future, a production of the Boys & Girls Clubs of the Chattahoochee Valley. From the team here, our producer is Jamil Harden. Our production partner for this series is CitizenRacecar. Our producer and editor is Hajar Eldaas. Post production by Alex Brouwer, podcast education by Em Löwinger, publication and promotion by Candice Chantalou. Thanks to the whole team at the Boys & Girls Clubs of the Chattahoochee Valley for making this podcast possible.